Front Row

Do you go to the dungeon to find out how to make peace with your days
in the dungeon writing a letter to you didn't make me feel any more peaceful
than how i felt when we weren't speaking because I didn't cop to what I did.
I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries.
I'd like you to be schooled in an awe as though you were kissed by god full
on the lips. I'm in the front row the front row with popcorn I get to see you
see you close up. i'm too tired to recount unpleasantries one by one one minute
I want to banish you the next I want to be on a deserted island with you along
with my three favorite cd's ambivalent yet in your bed we've yet to acknowledge
what really happened.
Slid into the ditch I have this overwhelming loss of ambition we said let's name
thirty good reasons why we shouldn't be together I started by saying things like
'you smoke' 'you live in new jersey (too far)' you started by saying things like
'you belong to the world' all of which could have been easily refuted but the
conversation was hypothetical I am totally short of breath for you why can't you
shut your stuff off . . . i'm in the front row the front row with popcorn I get to see you
see you close up and I laughed until my lungs hurt I love how you bust my chops you
don't always feel seen sometimes you feel erasable unfortunately I cannot
reciprocate in my current state I think we should be careful of how much time we
spend together.
. . . for a while while I'm speaking you know how much you hate to be interrupted
maybe spend some time alone fill up your proverbial cup so that it doesn't always
have to be about you I've been wanting your undivided attention I like the fact
that that you're nothing like me are you not burdened by the lack of perspective
people have of your charmed life (seemingly)? I'm in the front row the front row
with popcorn I get to see you see you close up you never meant to be ungrateful
nor held up to be whipped or wept for certainly not analysed prodded at more ways
than one apparently you've been misrepresented dealing with the concept of arrows
being slung towards your outrageous fortune
hey i'm not mad at your guardian i'm mad at myself for spending so much time
with you and your jeckyl and hydeness I'm glad i figuratively slapped you on the
wrist you laughed a wicked laugh and said 'come here let me clip your wings!'
(i know his blood but you can still turn him away you don't owe him anything) 'raise
the roof' he yelled yeah raise the roof i yelled back. (unfortunately you needed
a health scare to reprioritize.) no thanks to the soap box, having me rile against them
won´t make an ounce of difference . . . i´m in the front row the front row with popcorn.
i get to see you see you close up oh the things that i´ve done for you many a sitch
a friend a man´s been left for you oh the books i´ve read for you the tongues i´ve
bitten for you many a new city for you many a risk taken for you (not a single regret).